Partner is a man or a woman
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It only takes a minute to sign up. I met someone at my local gym. We started to talk from time to time and one thing leading to another we made out not sexually and are a couple as of today. We try to go slowly. It's been a few weeks now, but I still don't know whether they're a man or a woman. They're Asian, bisexual, with very androgynous traits. Their name doesn't help me, I can't read Chinese, and we speak English.
Clothing style is as ambiguous as the rest. Earrings are kinda boyish. I tried a few time to notice whether they would go the the ladies' or men's bathroom to no avail. Whether they didn't go, or it was a mixed bathroom.
They stopped going to the gym and I didn't notice before which changing room did they use. How to tactfully check whether my new partner is a man or a woman?
The result doesn't especially matter to me, but the uncertainty does. I'd like to know what to physically expect when I'll This person never presented themselves as transgender or as any unusual statistically speaking, I don't mean to offend anyone minorities. Even though we talked about similar topics, they never said anything showing they have any kind of special sympathy toward these people. You also say that you're annoyed and have been trying to make note of which bathroom they use and the like.
These are somewhat incongruent. It doesn't matter or it does. There's nothing necessarily wrong with having preferences, but be honest with yourself about your preferences. You may be bisexual and enjoy dating both men and women, but it sounds like you may not be pansexual, as in, you may be less comfortable dating someone who may not be comfortable in either of those binary categories.
Taking another step back, you need to know what you mean by " man or a woman ". Are you talking about:. It sounds like this person's presentation is androgynous, that obviously leaves you clueless about their gender, and sex.
Their presentation may be telling you that they'd rather not be identified, or labeled, as either male or female Or it may not The thing is, you don't know without asking, and asking will be an awkward conversation no matter what the case may be.
Whether they strongly identify as a particular gender, and you haven't picked up on it, or if they'd rather not identify as a particular gender There's no sure way to get around it.
If you really want to know, you're going to have to ask. Just be sure you know what you're asking, why you're asking, and what you intend to do with the information once you have it.
Does it really matter to you, and if it does, why does it? As far as the conversation goes, be honest, but be gentle.
Try to be self aware and aware that these are questions that may be intensely uncomfortable for the person you're asking. If the answers really don't matter, consider letting them disclose in their own time and in their own way. A few answers here mentioned checking state issued ID. That isn't exactly a great suggestion for a few reasons.
And some places allow nonbinary gender markers on IDs. Some people who are in the process of transitioning and have yet to do the legal paper work shuffle will not be likely to show you their ID. The same goes for some agender, intersex, and gender-fluid folks. Basically the information on their ID card may lead you to make inaccurate assumptions, and asking to see their ID may be seen as incredibly invasive. It indicates that you are not assuming that their preferred gender and their apparent gender are the same, but neither does the question imply that you think they are different.
You just don't know. Of course, this won't necessarily tell you what the physical sex of your partner is, but it does open the door to conversations about gender where you might be able to find out.
But that does not mean that they are unfamiliar with it, or would take it amiss if you asked. Unless you are unusually bad at reading faces this is probably not the first time your partner has caused confusion about their gender.
A tactful, reasonable question about their gender would likely be well received even if they had not heard it asked before. Just ask, after setting up the topic in a way that makes the question natural. There is already too much cloak-and-dagger character to your concern. Begin or steer a conversation towards gender identity mention a celebrity, a recent controversy, watch Zoolander 2 , there are lots of avenues , describe your own situation "I've always identified with my biological sex and consider myself a [whatever is true of you]", or something similar.
Then you can present a statement like. There is only so naturally a question as blunt and direct as this can be asked, and if it's legitimately not a big deal to you either way then it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask about it.
In the first case, your partner is aware of the need to resolve this issue before an awkward reveal in the bedroom. If you ask them outright, they probably won't be upset by the question, but may be uncomfortable answering. If that's the case, express support and wait until they are ready to have that conversation. Invite them to participate in an activity that would necessarily reveal their sex innocuously, such as going to a beach or pool, or to dress up for a fancy dinner.
A lot of the other answer here doesn't seem to follow the "tactfully check' element. That means you want an objective independent source of information; asking is not checking. Asking opens the door to ambiguity and not to mention the most important aspect it can cause irreversible offense. The average person would get offended with that question which is why the OP is asking the question here.
I would imagine if your answer is "simply ask" then you haven't really read the OP's question. Also, it's important to know that the OP is trying to find out biologically which sex the person is.
The OP wants to know what to physically expect, not the self-identification aspect. So asking would likely either offend the person or get you the person's gender and not their biological sex. What I would do is to show them your funny looking identity card of sorts and have a laugh about it Then you claim that it's unfair that they have seen you but not the other way around, at this point, hopefully they would shyly produce their ID card and then you can freely check out how old they are and which natural sex they are.
Another super easy method that you can use is simply ask to add them on social media. Pronouns and clothing, for example Premise 3 : If someone cares about concealing their birth sex enough to alter their government ID, then it follows that they will not simply tell you the truth just like that.
Both Asking and Checking ID give you incorrect sex female. One possible way to find more information not necessarily all, though about a person 's sex is to go together to the beach, an aquatic park, a swimming pool, or any other place where normally little clothing is worn. Update: better yet, a nudist beach or nudist activity. Thanks to a comment for that! But perhaps the most appropriate way to find that info about your partner might be to ask.
It sounds like you should just have a discussion about sex to set expectations. You can start with basic questions about how soon that may or may not happen, etc.
This is a completely normal and reasonable discussion to have when getting together with someone, and segues nicely into discussing specifics about what they like and what they want or don't in a relationship sexually and otherwise. So just have this discussion that you should have anyway, which often has an expected degree of awkwardness, but can be used to set expectations about any aspect of your relationship.
At that point, depending on your partner, you could ask how much experience they've had with sex, likes and dislikes, etc. If you ask about their preferences with specific acts, you may get an answer that tells you what to expect regarding their physical sex characteristics, which seems like the main thing you don't want to be surprised by it could certainly be awkward to expect one body part but get another, even if you're open to it going either way--if that made you hesitate, it could make them feel unwanted, so better to get it out of the way instead of being surprised in the moment.
Edit: Also in the vein of talking about sex and to offer a more concrete example: prior to actually having sex, you could talk about sexual fantasy. You can ask what they think about that turns them on, and if the right situation arises, you could ask for them to describe what they'd like you to do to them, or ask them to describe what you'd see if they undressed possibly over the phone.
Exactly how to approach it depends on how shy or how direct this person is, which may be influenced by culture. There are lots of "getting to know you" conversations that could get your partner to talk about their identity.
Some topics were mentioned previously, but I have a few more. You could ask if their name is usually male or female some names in some countries can be both. Since you presumably can't guess more about their gender by name, you can use your ignorance of their culture as a point of curiosity to start a conversation. Ask what it was like growing up, going to school, etc. This is especially helpful if they grew up in another country. Talk about your own experiences. Ask casually if they ever plan on having children.
If it doesn't seem too serious—but I think this is a reasonable question to ask by a third date. Age is also a factor, since if you're young and the relationship is new, it may not be the most relevant to your lives right now. At any rate, getting to know your partner's goals in life or a good thing you could also ask the more low key question about what their goals are, but that's more vague. Of course, they could say they want to adopt and leave it at that, which is no help, but there are no guarantees—it always depends on how the conversation goes.
A male friend of mine who cosplays as female characters a lot has oftentimes struggled to tell what gender a person is who is similarly cosplaying, and who may or may not be of different genders from their characters.
I love my male partner – but I yearn to be with a woman
The best marriages are probably based on teamwork. But it seems individual contributions do matter — specifically, who earns how much of the household income. My research shows that in, heterosexual couples, men are happier when both partners contribute financially — but much prefer to be the main breadwinners. With stress levels high when they are sole breadwinners, men appear to be more relaxed when their wives or partners earn anything up to 40 per cent of the household income.
I am a year-old woman and have been with my male partner since I was I love him, like him and we still have an active sex life. However, I have become more and more sure in recent years that I am much more attracted to women. I had sexual experiences with women long ago and feelings of need and loss around this part of my identity are really hitting me now. I am less attracted to my partner, which makes me sad, as he is an attentive and caring lover. He is also monogamous, although he knows to some extent how I feel. I am not sure what I want or what to do. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
Men feel stressed if their female partners earn more than 40 per cent of household income
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